Hey Pinterest- you’re a jerk!

Hey there, Pinterest!

Hope I’m not interrupting you from DIY’ing a coach house out of recycled pallets and hand dyed yarn or learning a new braiding technique that is SO EASY.

I just wanted to say thank you for your helpful email today suggesting that I surprise my kids on April Fool’s Day by making a miniature breakfast out of a small quail’s egg and cocktail bread. I was just wondering to myself- what am I going to do with all those bloody quail eggs in my fridge? And of course I have cocktail bread on hand- who doesn’t have that sitting around for impromptu household happy hour?

I’ll just grab that cocktail bread out of my (shockingly well organized and completely labelled with calligraphy and chalk) pantry after I finish icing this rainbow cake which required me to bake and assemble 8 different layers of colored batter- that’s been a super fun 17 hours! My kids may have gone missing while I made this cake but they are really going to love it if I find them!

I hate sleeping, Pinterest, so it’s a good thing I have you to remind me of all the things I can be doing with my time- especially things which are totally practical and not at all designed simply to make other moms feel like big ol’ failures. Creating a gigantic mess on the kitchen with flour and glitter glue in order to trick the kids that the  the “Elf on the Shelf” did it? Hilarious and a great use of time. Sure- there’s no other Elf that pops in to help with clean up, but that’s okay because you’ll have a list of awesome cleaning hacks using only vinegar and dental floss that will have the mess cleaned up in no time. I can’t wait to try that out during the already hectic and overwhelming Holiday season.

Pinterest- you’re a real hero. This advice about the quail egg breakfast for kids was almost as helpful as last week when you suggested that I like a Pinterest board dedicated to women of a certain age who have chosen to embrace their grey hair. Or how about the great post suggestions you’ve given me recently like “Top 10 Ways to Trim Belly Fat”? That is just the type passive aggressive reinforcement that a 5 months pregnant woman needs to keep up her positive self image.

Seriously, Pinterest- you’re the best. Thank you for the continued attempts to inspire me out of my inadequacy- one extremely complicated and not nearly boozy enough handcrafted specialty cocktail, elaborate table arrangement featuring live butterflies and totally impractical but apparently magical memory making childhood craft at a time.

PS Sorry I have to run- we’ve only done 67 of the top 75 paper plate animals today- I’m such a slacker ;)!

One thought on “Hey Pinterest- you’re a jerk!

  1. Moster Janne

    O … hahaha – we are not bitter, are we? If you need more inspiration to fuel your fire, please visit my Pinterest page calle, “Shoot Me”.

    All I can I say is: right on, JoJo!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *